It's been a ROUGH couple of months around here, to put it mildly. The kids are at a REALLY tough age. And quite honestly, at this particular point in time, we have WAY more bad days than good. They spend most of their days fighting over toys, spots on the couch, who gets to sit by who in the stroller, what game they want to play, etc. Nothing is simple, everything is a battle, and by the end of night, we are all beat down, and more than one of us is usually crying. Jake and I stay up way too late, because I know as soon as we go to sleep, we will be up all night with someone (oh yeah, did I mention Hudson wakes up every one or two hours through out the night), and then, we wake up for the next day, just to do it all over again. I have debated for a long time whether to write about all this, but this is a journal for my kids, and when they look back at it, I want them to see and remember everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. I don't want them to read this when they have kids and think it was all sunshine, roses, unicorns and rainbows. It's not! It is hard; really, really, really hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. There are many nights I go to bed feeling like I failed at the only thing I ever wanted to do, raise a family. Did I ever think I would four kids in less than two years, no. Did I ever think my kid would be the one screaming wildly at Wal-Mart, no. Did I ever think people would stop and stare at me and kids anytime we walk into any establishment, putting extra pressure on how I think they should behave, no. Did I ever think I would walk out of "Vera Bradley" because my oldest threw something hitting a kind old lady in the leg, no. But the truth is, this is our world. I wish I could be one of those parents you see at the park or the pool, who just sit and let their kid do whatever they want, it would be so much easier that way. But I'm not, I expect my kids to follow the rules, listen when I'm talking to them, and respect the people around them. That was / is never going to change, so it seemed like I was fighting an endless battle. And then I got a break, and it came at the perfect time.
My mom invited me to Las Vegas. Just her and me, no kids, no husbands, just us. And I must say, it is the best, most refreshing thing I have done since our kids were born, for both me and the kids. It was the first time I had totally let go and didn't worry one time about the kids. Were they behaving themselves? Were they eating well? Were they sleeping well? Were they listening? Did Hudson take his inhaler? Were they happy? Were they having fun? Were they being safe around the pool? Were they being nice to their cousins? All the things that run through my head on a daily basis, I just let go. Which for me, is really, really tough. But I knew they were being well taken care of, so I did it, I let go, and totally enjoyed it. In four days, I read two and a half books, I saw three movies, I saw "La Reve", I laid by the pool, I sat down and ate by myslf, I slept great, spent some alone time with my Mom, and came back a whole new person. The past three days, have been the best days we have had in a LONG time. The kids are happier, they are sleeping great, they are behaving, and not fighting! As I type this, sitting in my big comfy chair, the kids are playing peacefully with each other on the floor with an occasional dance break to a song on the "I-Bot". We just needed a break, from eachother, from our daily routine, from everything we were used to. And with the break, I've come back a better Mom, a better wife, and a better person.
And with faces like this, who wouldn't want to be happy and enjoy the little moments!